Higgs boson (bison) and the hoot of an owl.

Believe it or not, I have not posted on this blog since December 2011. The reason being that we had a security scare at the Dept which meant that the whole building, with me in it, was ‘moved’ to New Thameswick while pest control was brought in to clear away a plague of carpet-munching Higgs bison, which are closely linked to Higgs boson, but are a damn site bigger and tend to leave an awful mess after they’ve grazed  the shagpile.

So though we were only there for a couple of days, it turns out that someone had forgotten to adjust for Krudian daylight saving time, and six months have slipped by. So here we are, six months older and bugger all to show for it. The good news is that I’ve finally got George to get a Brownie translation device for me so that I can at last try and communicate with his mother- Mrs Hoblip–in her native tongue. I don’t think it’s quite firing on all cylinders since I switched it on yesterday to find her outside in the corridor hooting like an owl. What follows is a rough translation.

ME: Morning Mrs Hoblip. I was just thinking to myself that you have a fine hoot.

MRS H: I must get George to fix that blind in the bathroom.

ME: No–I meant you’re impression! Can you do Gilks the caretaker.

MRS H: Not until I’ve seen the doctor and got the all clear.

ME: I think you’ve got the wrong end of the stick.

MR H: No it’s the right end. It’s my old dad’s owl throttling stick. Part of my act for the open mike night at the Witch and Bonfire on Thursday night.

ME; I yes, I heard. I’m a bit of a conjurer you know. I was thinking of entering myself.

MRS H: That’s a great trick if you can pull it off. I expect you get a lot a satisfaction from that.

ME: Well, lovely to see you, Mrs H. I’ll be looking out for your hoot when I can.

MRS H: I usually have a shower on Wednesdays.

Of course, later I find out that George had put the bloody translator on innuendo mode. Not that I noticed anything myself, but on e of the secretary in the office next door had to be taken to the hospital with laughing apoplexy.

Have a good week.

Nil Carborundum.

DCF

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